Funerals

"There is often a powerful sense of presence"

A Quaker funeral is generally a simple affair; a silent meeting for worship to give thanks for the grace of God in the life of the person who has died. Sometimes there is a reading, or a song. Most of the time is given over to quiet reflection and thanksgiving.

Sometimes people – family members, Quakers from the meeting community, or friends of the person – will rise and speak in an act of ministry. Anyone can contribute. What they say may be prayers, memories of the deceased, expressions of thankfulness for their life, or words of comfort and solace for those left behind.

There is often a powerful sense of presence: of the soul of the deceased person among us, and of the spirit at work in their life and ours. The funeral ends when the time feels right – usually after no more than an hour – by all shaking hands with those around them.

Funerals may be held at a Quaker meeting house, at a crematorium, or a graveside. Funerals may therefore be held at a graveside in a Quaker burial ground. A Quaker funeral could also be held at a graveside in another burial ground, such as a natural burial ground.

There are Quaker Burial Grounds in Southampton and Alton.

"An expression of love, care and upholding"

It's common for a funeral to be the first experience of a Quaker meeting for many of those present. To offer ministry your words don't need to be finely-honed, any more than you don't necessarily have to wear your best clothes.

Funerals are for the living. For the bereaved, they are a way of holding the person they have lost in the Light, of completing our picture of them and their life. They are an expression of the love, care and upholding that the worshipping community can offer. They are a moment of release, of sending the deceased on their way with our love, and of holding them close to our hearts. After our death, our spirit can live on in the lives of others.

Like everything else Quakers do, our funerals are a do-it-together affair. What greater gift can there be than to help mark the ending of the life of one of our community? And to know that when our time comes, the community we have been a part of will do the same for us.

Helping your Quaker community to prepare for your funeral

We all need to help support those in our Quaker community who have responsibility for conducting funerals. Help Friends with eldership and pastoral responsibility by having a conversation with them about your wishes or by filling in the form below. It is particularly important in case arrangements need to be made by a person not known to an individual who has died or their family.

Dying, death and end of life resources